Oscar Night
by Aislin of the Shadows
Summary: One-Shot The POTO characters gather to watch the Oscars. What happens when they see the winners? How will they react to the Best Song nominees? Did anyone actually SEE any of these movies!


Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera, the Oscars, or any other movies/people mentioned in this fic. Also, I don't consider Nadir to be the Persian's real name, but as he has no other…Nadir it is.

I was just deathly MAD after the Oscars, which ended not sixty seconds before I began writing this. So I decided to post a rant. Then I decided my rant would make a rather good story. I don't remember exactly what order it all happened in – a website is telling me what order the awards were presented in, but the rest is fabricated.

…………………………………

Erik was enjoying a nice cup of tea when there came a knock at his door. Grumbling to himself and setting down his cup, he went to answer it. Peering through the peephole in the door, he saw Nadir's hat. Erik opened the door.

"What are you doing here, daroga?" he said disdainfully. Nadir held up a white envelope with a broken black seal.

"From Christine," he replied simply. "She's invited us to an Oscar party over at her house."

Erik found that interesting. He'd never bothered to watch the Academy Awards before, as movies had never held any interest for him. At least, not since the days of Lon Chaney. But since Andrew Lloyd Webber had at last released a movie all about him, he was suddenly slightly intrigued. "Who's coming?"

Nadir snorted. "As if I know. It starts in half an hour, get your cape on and let's go." And shuffling Erik around, he rushed him out of the little house on the lake, out of the cellar, and into a waiting carriage outside.

"Didn't look as if you would have given me much of a choice," muttered Erik, straightening the fedora he'd hardly had time to grab. The driver whipped up the horses, and in several minutes they pulled up in front of the de Chagny residence.

Nadir and Erik climbed out of the cab. They looked up at the elaborate mansion. "Sort of makes you realize why she picked him," said Nadir.

"Shut up," snapped Erik, stalking up to the front door and pounding it with all his might. It seemed his goal was to dent the thick wood.

"There's a doorbell," pointed out Nadir.

Raoul suddenly flung the door open, a large welcoming smile plastered onto his face. "Hel…oh. It's you." The smile vanished. "Christine! Your guests are here."

"Raoul, they're your guests too…oh. I see." Christine, resplendent in a large mint green gown of red-carpet-caliber, glided into the entrance hall. "Hello there Erik…Nadir. Won't you come into the parlor? Everyone's already here."

She led them through the numerous rooms of the mansion. As the Phantom of the Opera characters were immortalized for all time, their home remained the same too. But as time passed, certain…additions were made. One example is the fact that Nadir became very fond of microwaveable popcorn in later years. Another is the fact that Erik's music room is now home to a large stereo and CD collection hidden behind some drapes by the piano.

Another is the big-screen TV in plain view in the de Chagny parlor.

Surrounding the screen on comfy beanbag chairs (or straight-backed wooden chairs for those with dignity) were Carlotta, Meg, Madame Giry, and Philippe. Raoul returned to a yellow beanbag he had obviously been previously occupying, and Christine settled into another beside him. Nadir pulled up a green beanbag, tested its squishiness, and settled happily into it. Erik took a wooden chair beside Philippe, who looked rather unhappy. "What's the matter with you?" asked Erik.

"I'm not even in the movie we're here to support," he said sullenly. "I'm just here because Raoul made me come. No one ever remembers me."

"Join the club," said Nadir tartly.

The last part of the Academy Awards preshow was finishing up as they started watching. They all turned to the screen in time to see the montage of movies nominated for Best Picture."

"The Aviator…Finding Neverland…Sideways…I haven't seen a single one of the movies they're nominating this year," commented Erik.

"Yes, but you normally don't watch movies," noted Nadir.

"I heard that Ray was good," observed Mme. Giry.

"I wanted to see Million Dollar Baby," said Raoul.

"Why would you want to see a boxing movie?" said Philippe disgustedly.

"Be quiet, I can't hear it," said Meg over the noise. Everyone quieted down to see the first award being presented. It was Best Art Direction.

"Who starts the show with Art Direction?" laughed Erik.

"Who cares, we're nominated in that one," said Christine.

They all watched as the nominees were listed. Everyone in the room swelled with pride as a small clip of the title song was played by way of background music during their name. Then the winner was read.

"The Aviator!" stormed Erik, leaping out of his seat. "What art was there in _that_ movie? It was about airplanes!"

"Calm down, Erik," said Nadir soothingly. "We'll win another." Erik sat down in a huff.

Next up was Best Supporting Actor. No one seemed to care about this, so Nadir took a bathroom break and Christine went into the kitchen to get some snacks. "Hurry back before the next award!" called Raoul.

Morgan Freeman was named best supporting actor, and The Incredibles had received its Best Animated Feature Film award when the returned, passing out popcorn and pretzels to everyone.

"I would have thought Shrek 2 was a sure winner for that one," said Meg thoughtfully, upon hearing the winner. Everyone who had seen the sequel to Shrek murmured their agreement.

"Hey, look, the first song nomination is being performed," announced Philippe. They all watched Beyonce sing a song from Les Choristes.

"A French song," said Christine, pleased. "I won't mind too much if it wins."

"Why is she singing it?" said Raoul. "She's not French is she?"

"No," answered Erik. "And it really is a rather nice song. The choir boys were lacking though, and her tone is all wrong."

"Oh, come on, she wasn't that bad. You just really want to win," teased Nadir. Erik scowled at him.

"Yes I do. But I can't help it if my whole career is music."

The next award was for Achievement in Makeup. Erik snorted. "If they hadn't toned my deformity down so much, we might have gotten a nomination."

"Zey certainly deed tone eet down, deedn't zey?" noted Carlotta. Erik glared at her.

"Thanks a lot."

A Series of Unfortunate Events won that award. "Did anyone see that?" asked Madame Giry.

"I heard the acting was great but there wasn't much of a storyline," Meg told her mother.

Achievement in Costume Design was next. After the nominees were announced, they all gasped.

"'Ow is eet zat we deed not get a nomeenation in zis category?" screeched Carlotta. "Deed zey not see my gown een Il Muto?"

"And your Hannibal dress wasn't half bad either," offered Nadir.

"I 'ated zat costume."

The Aviator won that one too. Erik was fuming. "What the heck was so great about that movie?"

Cate Blanchett won Best Supporting Actress, and something called Born Into Brothels won Best Documentary Feature. "Who actually watches those?" scoffed Meg. "I mean, where are they available to see?"

"Somewhere, obviously," replied her mother imperiously.

Another nominated song came on at this time. It was Accidentally In Love, by Counting Crows. Erik and Philippe had hardly had time to make fun of the lead singer's hair when the infectious song began, and Meg, Raoul, and surprisingly, Nadir got up to dance and sing along, while everyone else couldn't help but tap their feet.

"That's a wonderful song!" exclaimed Meg breathlessly. Erik opened his mouth, but Nadir gripped his arm to stop him from criticizing.

Then came lots of un-Phantom-related awards – The Aviator for Best Film Editing, Sideways for Best Adapted Screenplay, Spiderman 2 for Best Visual Effects. During this time, there was much eating of popcorn and taunting of fops. And enjoyment of said taunting by third parties.

After this little break, the third nominated song came started. This one was in Spanish – the first Spanish song to be nominated, according to Salma Hayek. Carlotta clapped her hands happily. "A Spaneesh song! And performed by Antonio Banderas! Oh, 'e ees wonderful! I 'ope zis one wins!"

"Have you forgotten about our song?" said Mme. Giry. But Carlotta was lost in the lyrics no one else understood. It really was a good song though. Erik heard some…things…but didn't bother to point them out.

Something called Wasp won Best Live-Action Short Film, and something called Ryan won Best Animated Short Film. Then came Achievement in Cinematography.

"Shut up, everyone, we're in this one!" said Erik.

"What is cinematography anyway?" wondered Raoul thoughtfully.

"I don't really care, as long as ours was the best," retorted Erik shortly.

They watched the nominees. "Ooh, House of Flying Daggers," said Meg breathlessly. "I wanted to see that."

"Why is it none of us actually saw the most-nominated movies?" said Nadir. They were all silent. Then the name Phantom of the Opera popped up. "There we are!" squealed Meg. Everyone covered their ears. They leaned forward in their seats. The winner was…

"_The Aviator?_" screamed Erik. "Why on earth did that win! What does it have that we don't?"

"It's okay, Erik," sighed Christine. "We don't even know what that award was for."

"Something about lights and where the camera is positioned," murmured Mme. Giry distractedly.

At long last, Emmy Rossum walked out onto the stage. The Phantom characters all began to cheer, except Erik, who began screaming, _"You are not worthy of carrying the name of the woman you portray!"_ Everyone inched their chairs away from his. Emmy announced the song Learn to Be Lonely, and that Andrew Lloyd Webber would be playing accompaniment for…Beyonce.

"What? Her again? What happened to Minnie Driver?" said Erik bewildered. Carlotta snorted.

"Zat woman…"

The camera shifted to Andrew on piano and Beyonce beside him. A monkey Masquerade music box sat on the piano. "Hi Andrew!" called Raoul happily.

"He can't see you, dear…"

They all watched the performance intently. Nadir cracked up when a man dressed as Erik made a small appearance in the song. "You…you could hardly see the mask…let alone his face!"

"Well, I don't find it very funny," muttered Erik sullenly. He was being steadily depressed by the content of the song. "Learn how to love life that is lived alone…well obviously I have to…" Still, he didn't note a single thing wrong with the song after the performance.

No one watched much of what came next. They all turned back to the TV after three more awards that none of them really cared about to see the last song nomination. It was called Believe, sung by Josh Groban and – hey! – Beyonce. Erik groaned and left the room. "I need a drink." He was getting tired of her.

"Hey I know this song," said Meg suddenly.

"Did you see The Polar Express?" asked Philippe.

"No, but I heard it on the radio…somewhere. Beyonce wasn't in it, though."

"Of course not," snapped Erik, as the song ended and he reentered the room. "They just wanted to find one more place to squeeze her in."

They all talked through Finding Neverland's Award for Best Original Score, and then, at long last, it was time for the Best Original Song. Everyone stared at the TV, waiting…

The nominees were reviewed…Everyone crossed their fingers. They all murmured as one, "Learn to Be Lonely, Learn to Be Lonely, Learn to Be Lonely…"

"Al Otro Lado Del Rio."

"NOOOOOOOO!" cried Erik. Carlotta clapped her hands again joyfully. "'Ooray, Antonio!"

"I'm going home," grumbled Erik. Everyone else agreed, and began getting ready to leave.

"But the best picture!" whined Raoul.

"It's our TV, sweetie, you can watch it here." Raoul stayed in the parlor while Christine walked her guests out.

Meg clambered into a carriage with her mother, Carlotta into one with Philippe. Erik turned to Christine. "I'll wait for you!" called Nadir. Erik waved to him.

"Well, thanks for that," said Erik sarcastically. She shrugged.

"I really thought we'd win some. I thought for sure Best Song…"

Erik fumed. "It was the Academy. They had it in for us all along. Dirty prejudiced politicians." He sighed. "Ah, well. You know what they say – it's an honor just to be nominated." He smiled. "Call me with the winners of the other awards." He kissed Christine on the hand and ran to join Nadir in the waiting carriage.


End file.
